How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
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No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
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Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?