You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.