He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home