I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.