The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch