Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....