I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere