Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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