I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
