Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
