my soul wont recognize me after tonight
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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