Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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