google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
