Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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