id be glad to
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
