$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
