my mouth tastes like poor choices
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
