She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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