oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
