So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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