Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
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He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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