This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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