Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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