32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
