you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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