Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
