If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just cropdusted the office
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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