I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We got so high we made milksteak
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
