butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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