In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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