but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
