He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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