You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
