I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
