This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
