He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I have post one night stand depression
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
