thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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