you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
