I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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