Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
