Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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