btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
