This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
