One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
