i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
