Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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