There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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