I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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