Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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