we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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