the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
