Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
