chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
