White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
