he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
