I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
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This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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