Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
