Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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