those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
