: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
