i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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