I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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