i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
