I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
