It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
