When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
