hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
