u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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