Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
