I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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