I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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