I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
