Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
