question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
