He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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