my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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