I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
