He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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