i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
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Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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