i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
