i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
