it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Sorry about my life...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
