I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
